A man walks into a bar. I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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What do you call somebody with no arms or legs and they are stranded in the middle of the ocean? Answer: screwed

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What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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Knock Knock........wait there cars gone, I'll come back later

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A black man and a hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving? The guy who didn't call shotgun.

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What did the boy eat for lunch? - His mother.

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why are you going to laugh at this its reallly dumb

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I was walking down the street the other day And I pushed a child under a bus

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what happens when y tell ur deff brother uve been sleeping with his wife..nothing

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What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends, but most weigh around 775 to 1,200 pounds.

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what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?............Gangrape

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Why did the man ask his wife to make him a sandwich? He lost both of his arms in the war.

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How many dinosaurs does it take to fill a pool? I don't know and no one will know as they are extinct organisms

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How do you kill an elephant? -With a gun? No, an elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? -With an elephant gun? No, with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant? -WIth a blue elephant gun? No, you choke it until it turns blue and kill it with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? Theres no such thing as a purple elephant, thus contradicting the reality of performing a major act of animal abuse on it.

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What do you call a woman on a bike? A dike

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You do realize that in my home dimension of earth, I am just lying in the sun, typing on the goddamn laptop right? I mean are you retarded OR SOMETHING? I AM THE GODDAMN MORAL MAN! Moral: Honestly though, If I where like running around shouting this, I... Would begin to get slightly worried...

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I got Alzheimer's! ...... Who the hell are you?

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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When life hands you lemons...you should probably get yourself checked out because life is an abstract idea...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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