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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

Why did the man get fired from his Job? The boss became his ex girlfriend 2 minutes ago

"Wow, that was so funny i fell off my dinosaur!" Dinosaurs went extinct in the late Cretaceous period, about 65 million years ago. Commonly believed by scientists across the world to have been caused by an ancient meteor that crashed in the current day Yucatán peninsula in Mexico. Also, even if you were around during the Cretaceous period, i assure you that no dinosaur would let you climb on top of it, let alone ride it while you're not highly terrified because of the sheer danger of the experience. Now unless you are 65 million years old, I highly doubt you laughed so hard that you fell off the dinosaur that you supposedly own.

whats the differnece between a bag of dead babies and a ferarri? nothing ill never have either

Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

There are three guys on an airplane, a Korean, a Mexican, and an American. The pilot comes on the speaker and syays,"The plane is to heavy, throw out the thing you have most in your country." The Korean throws out an AK-47 and says,"We have to many of these in our country." The Mexican throws out a taco and says,"We have to many of these in our country." The American throws out the Mexican and says,"We have to many of these in our country."

A black man walks into a movie theatre... And pay for a ticket that would grant him access to watch the verity Of movies available to watch that month of screening. He picks the warhorse which was critically acclaimed by many respected critics. He watched and observed the positive and negative points of the the film. When it ended he took a long a ride home on the number 76 bus to ibswitch road where he lived during that time, and wrote about his opionion on the movie and how he thought the movie could be improved. He done this same routen for another six months, every saturday, until he died of aids shorty after a homosexual fling.

What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? there are twenty of them

What's better than finding a $5.00 bill on the floor? Finding the person who actually owns it.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dead cat.

What did the Jewish boy get for Christmas? Nothing, Jews celebrate Hanukkah.

What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

My mom farted, she also has Alzheimer's, I also have Alzheimer's. Also pizza didn't like it

What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

I was lying in bed looking at the stars in the sky What did i think to myself? Were the heck is the ceiling???

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

Why was timmy live on the streets? His parents didnt have the money to abort him!! HaHa

How do you make a dog hate you for the rest of its life? Steal its bone and beheaded it.

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Your husband died.

Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting Raped

Why didn't the guy have kids? He didn't want them

What happened to the homeless man at midnight? He took a shit on the ground

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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