A man walks into a bar a browning automatic rifle, it accidentally fires hitting the main artery in his neck and he promptly bleeds to death.

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What did Osama Bin Laden Say to Obama when they met? Nothing Osama is Dead

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What did the kid in the wheelchair get for Christmas? AIDS.

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Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

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How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

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Knock, Knock Come in

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HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

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why did Susie fall of the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who`s there? not Susie

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Q: If you are debating whether to smoke marijuana, consider: what will your mother say when she finds your corpse? A: As a relatively harmless and non-addictive substance, Marijuana was most likely not the cause of my child’s death. It was probably AIDS.

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Why did the Muslim man burn the American flag? The flag had touched the ground, which, by tradition, means it has to be disposed. And the proper way of disposing it is by burning.

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Why are you gay? Because ***** you

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What did the man say to the ugly woman? Your face makes my penis soft.

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Why did the student fall asleep during class? He was very tried from staying up too late.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding worms in your stool.

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What do you call a cat at the bottom of the ocean? A cat.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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What is big has a red nose and is funny Don't ask me I have never been out of my house

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said: "Hey, I wonder how far I can kick this bucket."

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Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? No one. No one actually knocked on your door because this is just a joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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