A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has it's pricks on the outside. A BMW doesn't have pricks on it's bodywork, for a multitude of reasons: - it would increase the coefficient of drag, causing an increase in fuel consumption - the pricks would fall foul of pedestrian safety regulations

My mom

What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet? One is made of flesh and can talk, think and do things. The other is made of metal and can only pull things towards itself or push them away. But strangely, the latter is a lot more welcome in most situations.

what's brown and sticky? A Stick

What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

Whats black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

Roses are red, My name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

What Sound does a baby make in a blender? I don't know I'm to busy masturbating to it

Q: what did Katy Perry say when someone told her that she was adaopted? A: That's not true, my parents took pictures of me in the hospital just minutes after I was born.

Roses are red, Violets are Violets. Screw this poem. Potato.

How I Met Your Mother, starring Oedipus Rex

What goes up and down but never physically moves? My grade.

How many Jews can you fit in to a car? Well depending on the car 2-8

homosexual rights to marriage

How do you beat Princess Diana in a car race? Challenge Princess Diana to a car race.

a blonde walks in to a bar, the bar tender gives him a free drink because he's a man and it's nazi germany

Why did Susie fell off the swings? Because she didn't have any arms or legs.

João Duarte reads this.

My wife's star sign was Cancer and its quite ironic how she died really... She was attacked by a giant crab.

What do you call a black man driving a helicopter? Blackhawk down

What do you call a girl who has slept with five guys? Her name.

Knock knock Who's there? Hi I'm John from the jehovah witness society down the street and I'd love to talk to you about your beliefs! Would you like a pamphlet?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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