Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Me: Hey frank, wanna die? Frank: No, why? Me: (Kills Frank) Frank: Dude why did you kill Frank?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the kids put pirahnas in Mr. Hermann's fish tank? So they could eat him.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Men

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Rick Ross is so fat, that he is fatter than someone who isn't as fat as he is.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A Jew finally tipped He was in a canoe

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? It depends on how sound is defined

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

he took my chicken i shoot him in the foot and raped his dog

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why is the melon having a wedding? Because it cantaloupe.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Your mamma used to be fat till Slim Fast came out with dick flavor!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why dose my mom have a penis? She is a man

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Your momma's so dumb, she has below average IQ.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what has wheels and drives? a boat i lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the pirate say to the ninja? I have aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops