How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

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What shall we do with the drunken sailor? Call the police to have him escorted off the boat for operating a large veichle under the influence of alcohol.

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Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

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why did the squirrel cross the road? -because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! No one... pineapples float.

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Many people dont know this about me, but I'm not very famous.

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An asian woman was driving along the freeway one day when a police officer pulled her over and arrested her, The officer arrested her because she had killed her husband 5 years ago and she thought she had gotten away with it.

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A man walked in the kitchen with a gun. He made a sandwich.

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Why was Sally angry? Because somebody burned all her clothes

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, I died because I didn't have a heart.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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joe galasso from plainview ny

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What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

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What's worse than someone posting a number on antijoke ? Someone posting about what's worse than the holocaust

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What did the shark say to the beached whale? Nothing.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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800 people died last year. end of story

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

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What's black and white and red all over? I don't know I asked you

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A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

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Songs can be interpreted in many different ways you know: "Whenever, Wherever" - Prostitution "You raise me up" could be an advert for Viagra; And as for "love is in the air" - masturbating from a rooftop comes to mind. [L]

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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