Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What does "Fiat" stand for? "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what happened when the shoe turned into a shoe.......... nothing, it was a raisin

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you stop a plane? Land it.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did god make women? Because women are equally important when it comes to the birth to maintain or species.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Try typing in any three letters in Google images and you will always see something inappropriate. Posted by: BerserkSpoon

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q. How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A. Actually woodchucks can't chuck wood only beavers can

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why was the clown sad? Because he was found guilty of raping and murdering 33 young men, and sentenced to death for 12 of those murders by a jury of his piers.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red, Violets are blue; In Soviet Russia, POEM WRITES YOU!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's more exiting than watching football Escaping through the underground railroad

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Three gay men are in a bath tub and bubbles come up and one says "who farted?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If life throws you lemons, what do you do? Well unless life throws you water and sugar also, hen your lemonade is gonna taste horrible.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: what did the dog say to the cat? A: nothing dogs can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call an animal that is blue, fluffy and lives in the arctic? I don't know and that's why I'm asking you.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

whats better than 1,000,000 dollars? 1,000,001 dollars

thumb_up thumb_down +18

In a tangential universe Crispin Glover is the head of scientology

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your mama's so hairy, she has to shave occasionally.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man realizes the whole time he has wanted to fly like a bird. His funeral was two weeks later

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red Violets are? blue Lets eat poo I know you want to

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops