Doctor: I'm sorry about your disease, young man. It looks like your time is up. Man: NO! How much time to I have? Doctor: Five. Man: Five years? Five months? Five weeks? Doctor: Four... Three...

What starts with F and ends in UCK? The F word but im not allowed to say it.

What is worse than the holocaust? DUH! A worm in MY apple!

Matthew Wyckoff

Roses are red Violets are blue Carnations are cheap and they will not get you a blow job.

What do you call a blonde falling off a cliff? Screwed.

Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot.

What happened to your face It got hit by a bus By cheyenne

Q: what is blue and has no legs A: A crippled boy painted blue

I'm at a payphone. Though I'm out of change so I'm unable to call my girlfriend and break up with her.

whats yellow and cant swim? a bulldozer,

Why Johnny's parents threw out his broken bike? - ´Cause Johnny got ran over by a drunken driver yesterday, when he was cycling back home from school.

Well this is pointless.....

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. ;)

why did the 42 inch plasma screen blow-up 6 hours before the england match ? because it knows .

Why did the weiner dog puncture Doris's bladder? It got carried away during an oral sex session.

Roses are black Violets are black A black person died

What's 9+10 Ebola

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

why did jenny get 22 turnovers in a basketball game? because jenny has down syndrome

A kid walks into a bar He gets kicked out

You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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