- Anti Joke

why did the chicken cross the road? because colonel sanders was chasing it with an axe

Your dad got tired while running, so he stopped running.

What's the difference between a 1980 mustang and a pile of dead babies? I don't have the mustang in my garage.

What would George Washington say if he were alive today? WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has Stevie Wonder.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile

how do u talk to a person you like go up and talk to them

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

What has four wheels and flies? A flying car.

What's red & is bad for your face? A brick.

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one . Though , I do have cancer .

Why did i try to write a funny joke? Cuz i was desperately bored.....

regoereiorgiorehgijreirehrfjirgjirejgruirehgrghehiiehaoiwpo;lkswpokewqoifgoieqjgiubtfoewfiir K.O

So there was a guy in the middle of the street, how did he survive? ...He doesnt because he gets hit by a car becuase hes in the middle of the street...

What's worse than eating spinach? Dying.

Your mum is SO fat... She died of a heart attack

What's bloody and has wheels? The Holocaust I lied about the wheels.

Q: whats worse than finding out you failed an exam? A: finding out you where Hitler in a past life

How is a raven like a writing desk? Both have absolutely nothing to do with the other one.

Anybody else hate when people mispell words in jokes It ruins the joke Most them prob some scumbags Probs to Jeffrey K April 12, 2013 1:55 PM

Your mom is so fat she's overweight

What do you call a man covered with cottoncandy and goes to the store and buys a jar of pickles? George

What size pants did the gorilla wear? An abnormaly large pair compared to the average human because their weight and width are porportionaly larger for their speices.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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