About numbers, it was 180 mg of valium... And I am going to live becausepeople got there in time, my heart never stopped because luck, the doc was only making a joke about me "having ingested enough valium to die at least twice". Sanders, I just got your girlfriend to agree to a threesome, if my banana ever wakes up again, AND WHEN... Thou areth forgiven, btw I sent him a picture of Line`s unshaved vagina, and a note stating: U recognize this? Find out more on horsehead network! Meh His name is Anders something Chattington, yeah for all that know him, guess whose finger is on her unshaven... Yeah, maybe you should not have messed with a guy that can have ANYONE. Ps: Then its your mother, then your sister which is 17 (and pretty 16 is legal here so fuck you Chatty!) and then I SHALL STRIKE THY WITH THE VENGEANCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS! Because you are forgiven, which I cant even remember what means, I mean I know I am typing my experiences here, but thats only because I remember by muscle memory where the buttons are, said the doctor... I can still play Snes emulators... Not, because my numb fingers cant click anything and Line is gone. I TOUCHED HER ALREADY YA KNO! YOU SAW THE PIC, My skin is tan, and... well you know she is here... The best part? She is totally okay with you knowing, sayonara pal, id watch the "fluor" in your mothers pussy the next time you eat it!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Songs can be interpreted in many different ways you know: "Whenever, Wherever" - Prostitution "You raise me up" could be an advert for Viagra; And as for "love is in the air" - masturbating from a rooftop comes to mind. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the homeless man get for christmas eve? Hypothermia. What did the children get for christmas day? A traumatic experience when they tripped over his snow-covered corpse.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: what's green and has wheels? A: a john deere tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +17

hey i jut met u, and i have alzeihmer, cheese and toast

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did Bambi say to her mother when her mother was killed? Nothing. Bambi's a deer. Duh.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why dont you hit a black kid on a bike? its probably your bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between you and a bucket full of shit? The bucket...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why should you not go to sleep in public? Because that's how you get raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Person 1: Hey how's your day? Person 2: Good Person 1: Cool

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the President fall down? He was assassinated. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay guys house Knock Knock Who's there? The chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +17

whats the difference between 69 and 6.9 theres a period in the middle

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A Muslim, a Jew and a Christian are on an airplane talking about religion. The Jew tells the Christian he believes in a single holy entity. The Christian says he believe Christ is the Son of that very same entity. The Muslim says "When can I get out of this room?" because he's been detained at the airport due to religious profiling.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the clock say to the book? I have no batteries.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock Who's there? Just open the damn door.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the prison full of black people? Because they were all their for security internships.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops