I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the stereo break? Cause little Johnny threw a bat at it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares, it's a chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A storm be brewin!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Once there was a dog, another one came to it and then there were two.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do owls and cars have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

FRED CLEAN YOUR ROOM! Ok mom, I'm done "Nothing is cleaned" Well.. I tried

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a place full of large volumes of random, unwanted knowledge? The usersub on this site.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a b*tch and mum was calling dad a b*stard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sh*t". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, F*ck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello b*tches and b*stards. Mums upstairs stuffing sh*t on her face and dads in the kitchen f*cking the turkey".

thumb_up thumb_down -15

butt bananan appe aeriugbahrei bviaAETRGNARJEOGBAEROUGBAREOGABINGBIFDUVHR9EH VARVBNF V BAR GABNER UGH 8U78 6 78 C 877 86IHUR T HUGU GHG HU GHUG ERHU; BGIU AHUB HOAU AOH;UGG RJHI NJB NBJ NAJF BNJ NJ IJ BB B NNB UB OH UAERFNSKALDF AHUAWRETFBSUGFHAUNVCHCIWERCFO4F[U940RU320RY4 33 4TVNO34INRT4`UR1C34BT4567=95084651898549+0451467016849=80 .97.8

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you get a clown to stop laughing? Throw an axe at it's face.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Three fish swim into a bar. The first one says "blub blub blub". The second one says "blub blub blub". The third one says "I'm not a fish I'm a human". What does the bartender say? Answer = Ayy Llmao _George_Bush_

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you know when a Captcha defect causes you to post the same anti-joke three times? Canteloupe.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock Knock. Who's there? Cow that recognizes normal social cues and politely waits for its turn to speak. Cow that recognizes normal social cues and politely waits for its turn to speak who? Moo.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There are 5 men in a desert a black man a white man a gay a lesbian and a white woman they have no food or water and haven't had any in 3 weeks civilization is 1 mile away how many people live and which ones They all die you can only live 3 days without water.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

mike:what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas tom:cancer ahahahaha mike:he got a skateboard jerk nararrator: this skate board will be worth less because he has no legs

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Simon says, "I'll give you a five second head start before I mow you down with my AK47."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the goose cross the road? Because the chicken was on vacation

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you make Adolf Hitler angry? You can't, dead people are not sentient, and hence cannot feel anger.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Two friends are arguing over who is the best pie maker. '' I've made pumpkin, apple, peach, cherry, blueberry, and sweet potato!" " Yeah well I've made all of those AND pecan!'' ''Yeah well have you ever made boysenberry pie?!" "No! What the hell!" *in a calm tone* " Yeah, me neither."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What happened to the child who was rushed into hospital with a deadly disease? He pulled through. I'ts depressing to be constantly hearing sad anti jokes, so here is a nice one. The child in question lived to eighty one, had a great life and a good job. See, it's nice to read a happy anti joke!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

thats the same sound ur mom made in bed last night

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So a guy is playing jeopardy and decides to choose the category "Therapist." so he tells the host, "I'll take the rapist for 200."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops