roses are green violets are green i was drunk last night

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Fill in the blank: A ______ is a man's best friend. Jake: Is it dog? Host: YES! Now for the 1 million dollars! Finish the sentence: I just saved a lot of money by Jake: Switching to Geico? Host: Sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is "I just saved a lot of money by not spending it on useless junk and by budgeting my account towards investing in the future." Oh well, nice try.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Three men were on a plane. One chucked an apple out the window. Unfortunately, due to the low pressure outside, all the men were sucked out the window.

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Why was lil' Susie screaming horrifically? Nobody knows. That's why the neighbors called the cops. -Harrison

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Knock knock, Who's th- IMA FIRIN' MA LAZOR

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Why does Snoop Dogg have an umberella? For shielding himself from the rain.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders house?. No, Well neither has he...

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Why did Dan fall of his bicycle? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him.

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CNN has posted that the recent death of osama bin laden is comparable to decapitating a snake when really it is more akin to bisection of a worm.

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what worse than bitting into an apple and finding a worm bitting into a worm and finding an apple

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Why couldn't jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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What did Han Solo say to Chewy before they got in the Millennium Falcon? Chewy, get in the ship.

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why was the black man scared of cats ? Because a gang of cats ate his family

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Why was the Asian terrible at driving? He was drunk.

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How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen beetle? Four, although five is possible if you are not afraid of getting a ticket.

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Mommy, why did daddy leave? Because you touch yourself at night sweetie.

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

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Doctor: Why the long face? Elephant Man: That's not my face that's a tumor.

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what do you get when you cross a puma and a turkey? A horrible abomination of life that begs to be killed.

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One time i was sitting down

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Person 1: What do you get when you cross a cow and your mom? Person 2: What? Person 1: A cow that looks like your mom

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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