How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Um no horses are overrated.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock knock. Who's there? Dog. Dog who? I have a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive? Because she was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

why did radio not get the song? beacause he radio didnt work.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Lady gaga suposedly has a wener.What does that make her? A man

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's big and green and I gets stuck in your teeth will kill you? A tractor

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock knock. Who's there? The police The police who? Sir, your wife is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock Knock ...Does anybody know how to use a goddamn door bell these days?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

dyslexics of the world untie!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why can't the Asian do math? He has down-syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why do teens say "dude?" They feel unloved at home and must know that they posses a strong relationship with their peers, and in fact, cannot maintain a proper friendship due to the four letter word known as "dude."

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Whats 9 plus 10 ... WHO FREAKIN CARES! STUPID.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A:how many notzies dose it change a light bulb B:none they made the jewish do it. :(

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A: Knock Knock B: (No Reply) Nobody is home and the man trying to get in will come back later and try again.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the blonde fail her drug test? She's actually never did drugs before but since she didn't show up for appointment, that counts as an automatic fail.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

"Merry Christmas, Mom! My gift to you is...ME!" "I brought you into this life you disrespectful brat!" He then proceeds to a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the Mexican jump the border? Because his mom told him the grass was always greener on the other side... She lied.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops