A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Stephen Hawkings may know everything about the universe, but try to get him to tie his shoes.

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People always say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say Anthony at all. Mimes must be full of hate.

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Have you ever seen that gay clown in asda.

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did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? one was raped.

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Yeah, haha, I tend to put myself under a state of trance at the same time I put others down there, which makes it difficult to stop it sometimes, I do it for ethical reasons, I mean if I would ever hypnotize someone into feeling really bad, it would affect me as well. You might want to get some water on your face, you know, so your upper lips don't envy the lower ones.

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So you keep your knowledge sharp do you? When it comes to hypnosis and such?

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so a huge calculator walks into a bar, and a man steps out from behind it, and wipes his forehead.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My family is dead

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Why shouldn't you go to California? Because there are sharks there, obviously.

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Why did Logan lose his lunch? Because he forgot to his lunchbox on the day-trip.

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"Bitches are fake, talk shit get hit!". False, female dogs cannot speak in the tongues of humans, and if they could I am sure excrement would not come from their mouths.

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What did tyler say to Jake? My pussy is wet jew

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper... used to clean up a crime scene.

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my friend died in a car crash, now i have no friends.

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why did the black child cry? strange men cut his penis off

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What did the blind girl say? Its dark in here.

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What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tooter!

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Betty. Answer the door!

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Q:How do you kill Chuck Norris ? A:You don't , He kills you first.

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what do u call a black men standing on top of a church. holy shit

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what duz 69 mean? its a number duhhhhhhh

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what do you call a pie in a roll a roll and pie

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A Russian Irish and American beat up on a Canadian. the only thing wrong with that is i forgot the , in between the races. but on the good side the Canadian was Justin Bieber

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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