How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? It had no legs.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

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A black man walks into a movie theatre... And pay for a ticket that would grant him access to watch the verity Of movies available to watch that month of screening. He picks the warhorse which was critically acclaimed by many respected critics. He watched and observed the positive and negative points of the the film. When it ended he took a long a ride home on the number 76 bus to ibswitch road where he lived during that time, and wrote about his opionion on the movie and how he thought the movie could be improved. He done this same routen for another six months, every saturday, until he died of aids shorty after a homosexual fling.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a straight line? Because he has Parkinson's disease.

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

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What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

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Want to hear the story about how I got put in prison? So I have an odd bunch of friends: one of them is Polish and he works at a call centre, the other is a slave trader and his name is Richard. We tend to meet outside our Polish friend's house to speak or to do "business" when need be (I run errands for Richard) and the other day that's where I got asked to kidnap an American. "That's strange" I thought, but nevertheless I went out and took the American from his house and carried him over in a sack over to our meeting place. I handed him over and sneaked off as soon as I could, thinking I was home free. But I wasn't. The police turned up all angry like. There were witnesses. Turns out a bunch of kids saw me giving Dick a Yank next to the telephone Pole.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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how to turn invisable. eat yourself

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What happens if you shoot a chicken? It dies.

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Guess what? What? Your dog is dead.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock? -Who's there? Not the girl.

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Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8-9-10.

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Why did sally fall of the swing? She had no arms or legs Knock knock who's there? Not sally

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The loss of originality in anti joke formats. And hypocrisy.

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Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

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What did man who had diarrhea say to the other man? "I have to go to the toilet."

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What time is it when an elephant jumps over your fence? Actually, elephants don't jump.

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Why did god make asians? I dont know. Yah, me niether

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batman farted so hes retarded

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops