What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock knock Who's there? Barack obama

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One says "Holy cow it's hot in here!" The other one says "Wow, I'm a muffin and I can TALK!"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Most adults can swim. Current government studies are investigating similar skills in babies. With unnecessarily large pools.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a grasshopper walks into a bar the bartender says hey we have a drink named after you the grasshopper says what dave?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Pickup line: Hey babe, do you work at a grocery store? Because I wanna spill some milk on the floor so they can call spill on aisle 9 and I'll be there waiting for you and watch you clean my mess.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

The Ohio State Buckeyes

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken go cluck cluck oh baby yeah balloon your mama oops did kangaroo say? I had sex with your wife and stole your car keys.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

- Why an Asian crossed the road? - Because he wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What? Huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I have Alzheimers... CHEESE ON TOAST

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why couldn't the boy talk? He had his fathers hairy scrote was in his mouth

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man jumped off a cliff and wished he could fly. He was hit by a plane

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why didn't the girl paint her nails white? Because in this society, that would be considered racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did simran go over to maliyah and emma and andrea and alice and amanda and Every other fat ugly chicks house? Cause he cant fu*k anybody else!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Boy: Mother, I'm dying! Mother: Ha, lol, I put poison in your cheese! Boy: MOTHER! Boy: *dies*. Mother: Ha, lol!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man walks into a vagina. The man, expecting a holiday inn, is very confused, and later gets mauled by five bears, who mistook his scent for a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the Macedonian guy say to the Croatian guy? Both of our countries are from the former Yugoslavia.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

my mom texted me telling me that my dog died... then she texted me the letters LOL... i texted back asking wat was funny!? she thought it ment 'lots of love' :p

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I'm not hungry, so when my mon offered me a pear I said to her "No thanks, I'm not hungry". 

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the asian bad at sex? Because he was 5 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops