Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She didnt have any arms

"Ask me if I'm a tree!" "Are you a tree?" "No."

Roses are Blue Violets are Red I am High How about you?

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian quickly picks out such a book and hands it to him, because to deny him the book would break the conventions of a library.

How many Jews can you fit in a car? Statistically speaking, in a brief survey done by the United States Traffic Commission, they stated that a standard 4-door sedan had the highest percentile of drivers. So, in regards to the legal system, a person may only fit, in fact, 5 jews in a car.

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust No, the Holocaust never even happened, you're an idiot.

Relax, it simply would not be working out for you if your mother was nearby, you see, the subconcious is limited by the concious mind, so if your subconcious can detect your mother (or anyone but me nearby) your conscious mind goes "uh oh" and it stops. Oh, right, and considering you can still type, how about we increase the effect into... I dunno, six billion? Yeah six billion. Anyway, the next time you want to experience it, just poke your nose, and since we do not want you to poke your nose off, you only do it once and you can yourself decide when it ends, at this level you should not be able to type, but if you want to type you can of course turn it off.

how do you stop a rhino from charging? you shoot it with a gun until it's either dead or no longer charging at you because thats a highly dangerous situation.

What did the student say to the teacher, after being assigned homework? This isn't my best subject, can I stay after class for tutoring?

What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.

Q what do you do when your friend tells you hes a homosexual A. you tell him that you will accept him and can still be very good friends

what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

Q.How do you kill a Zombie? A. You can't Zombies are fictional monsters that do not exist in our reality. instead why not focus on killing other things such as, Terrorists, Ants and People who piss you off

Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

What would you do if I walked onto your property and started to smash up your mailbox with a sledge hammer? You would be very scared and most probably call the police.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in an apple within a worm inside your apple...

What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

Q: How do you do to get an elephant down from a tree? A: Wait for the fall when the leaves start falling you shoot it down.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Roses are red.

A blind man walked past a fish store. For a second he thought it might be a womens vaginal odor, but then concluded it was most likely a fish store, and went on with his day.

There once was this guy and he fell down

What's green and eats rocks? A green rock eater What's purple and eats rocks? It hasn't been discovered by science yet...

All these jokes are so much funnier when I read them during class, laughing my ass off and everybody's looking at me like I'm retarded

what is black and blue and hates sex? the ten year old in my trunk.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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