If god gives you lemons keep the lemon go to the store and buy oranges to make orange juice.

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A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

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A black man, a mexican man, and a caucasian man, walk into a bar with handguns. The three break out into a gun fight and everyone is killed in the cross-fire

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Extremely vulnerable to predacious animals such as Brown Bears and Grey Herons

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What is a black man's favorite food? It differs from person to person.

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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Brian knew how to save the world from the death penalty: "Let's kill everybody who is not against it." So I killed Brian and waste my time in death row now.

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? a horse

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Why do woman cook dinner? Because their husband has 6 jobs and is trying to support his family so she does a part and cooks dinner.

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Are you 9/11 because i would like you to destroy my tower.

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What do I hate? people

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What did the cat say to the human? Nothing

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What did the wall say to the floor? Nothing.

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a man walks into a library Who the hell reads

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What did the man say before he killed himself? I am going to kill myself

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how do u make a snooker table laugh? TICKLE ITS BALLS HAHA

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Why did the TV not turn off? You need to use a remote.

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Ask me if my names Troy. Is your name troy? No, it's Roy.

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What did your Little brother get for Christmas? Lice.

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Knock Knock. Not home.

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Once upon a time, there were two brothers jumping on a bed. The one stopped because the other fell off the bead and died.

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Can apples get viruses? No, they are a fruit, and fruit cannot get viruses.

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? Nothing. He won't get them for the rest of his life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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