there is a man swimming in the ocean with a tree in the ground eating him up so , the cantelope asks the microwave where is the store the microwave says nothing because it is an inanimate object and cannot speak even though the cantelope can which is unfortunate

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the man scream? He got his dick caught. In the zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

hi bye

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a goose with no arms? A goose

thumb_up thumb_down -11

9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what have big boobs, and fat ass ? fat man

thumb_up thumb_down -29

what is sam ross' favorite word to use in conversation? awesam

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Five guys one rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Once upon of time an old man goes to a hospital and tells the doctor that he wants to get circumcised for the first time. The doctor says "Are you sure, you are 90 years old" and the old man says "please doc, just do it." So he goes on with the procedure and the old man is very happy. He returns home with his foreskin and keeps it inside a small box. The old man goes out for dinner and comes home to see his foreskin missing. He gets very angry and asked his daughter "Have you seen my little box?" Daughter says no. He asked his son-in-law "Did you take my box with my foreskin?" Son in law says "No, never." The old man asks the dog "Doggie, did you take my foreskin?" The dog says "Why yes, yes I did." The old man angrily says "Well give it back!" The dog says "I will give your foreskin back if you do me one favor." The old man says "What is it?" The dog says "Three blocks down the street there is a purple house with a cute dog that I would like you to bring to me to go on a date with. Bring her to me and I'll give you back the box." So the old man walks three blocks down the street and spots the purple house. He knocks on the door and a woman opens the door. The old man asks "Excuse me ma'am, i just got circumsized yesterday and I was wondering if I can borrow your dog for just one night because my dog some how blackmailed me and kept my foreskin and said that if I can get my dog and your dog together he would give me my foreskin back." The woman replies " Who the FFFFF are you?!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Why doesn't the Athiest wear socks? He has a minor fungal condition on his feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Whats tan and jumps higher than a frog? Mexicans..

thumb_up thumb_down +58

A bear walks into a bar. Mauls every one in it, then is shot to death by animal control.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A: Knock Knock B: I'm sleeping!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why can black people jump shoot and steal? Because society’s stereotypes have influenced people in thinking that African Americans can jump really high, shoot a basketball well and commit theft.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head? a bullet

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow Plants come in different colors

thumb_up thumb_down +36

there was an owl, she had a baby, threw up, then died

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the cow say to the farmer? 'Moo.'

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was wearing a shirt depicting a skull, something six had an irrational phobia of.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

99% of guys are hot. The other 1% go to my school.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Somebody elses cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What does a car and a t-shirt have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops