Your mom is so fat that she has high cholesterol. Moral: I AM NOT CRAZY! Said the man to the dog.

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Did you hear the one about the flying turtle? No? Okay I'll tell you about it. So one day there was a flying turtle. His name was Larry and he was a turtle that can fly. However, nobody believed that Larry can fly and he wanted to prove it. So the next day George, who was a flying octopus, called Jerry on his cell phone and told him a story about a Larry. Jerry, who was a media reporter, was so offended by his story and called the police. Question: What did the police say? Nothing because it was a made up story

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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Why don't women bother to have penises? Because they're lazy and they don't care.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas? A Wii.

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It takes a minute to know somebody, an hour to fall in love, but a lifetime to forget. Once, my mom forgot me at Disney World.

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How do you make Adolf Hitler angry? You can't, dead people are not sentient, and hence cannot feel anger.

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Elise's parents have four children. The first's name is April, the second's name is May, the third's name is June. What's the fourth children's name ? July. Elise is adopted, and thus does not count.

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Why did the rooster cross the road? To go play with the other roosters.

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so i was on anti joke and i read a joke, it made me laugh.

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I took my father out last night. We went to the Olive Garden.

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What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Finding out that your girlfriend is really a drag queen and that that is why you have never had sex. -Harrison

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If you call Dani a dog one more time, lick a gooch nut suckers. XoXo Jamie <3

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? -Gave her a timeout

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A stipper walked into a club, though it was a golf club so she tripped and cracked her skull on it.The end.

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Why doesnt Santa deliver presents to black children Because santa doesnt exist

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What did the lady with Alzheimer's do yesterday She can't remember

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vote this down and i will DOX you

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If dogs hate cats and cats hate mice, than what do mice hate? Themselves.

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How do you drown a blonde. Put a scratch 'n' sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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What do you call a woman who loves sex and food? A fat whore.

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Friend: Do you want to go to the bar or see a movie first? Me: Yes.

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I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

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A Russian man walks out of a bar looking very sober because he walked out of the bar sober.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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