Why didn't Jacob marry Bella from Twilight? You have to be real to marry someone

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An American, a Mexican, and a black guy all walked into the same bar. Why did the 'BEWARE OF METAL BAR' sign have to be in japanese?!

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What do you call a person who is deaf. It doesn't matter, they wont be able to hear it when you call them.

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What goes in dry and comes out wet Gum

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A man walks in to a bar, and the Bartender says "Why the long face?" The man replies "My wife is dying of Terminal Cancer".

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What's the difference between your mom and a table? The table has legs.

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How do u kill a gay man? Shoot him in the head

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once, my brother took my lard and gave it to the less fortunet

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Hello

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Why couldn't Timmy go to the bathroom? He was constipated.

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How do you know when you've ritten too many anti-jokes? When you answer your own question as a rhetorical device

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The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. He had multiple MRI's and bodily fluid tests to confirm the diagnosis. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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What's the difference between heaven and hell? Hell likes you more.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. ----- Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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I used to know what alzheimers was

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Your mom is so old that her organs are starting to slowly fail and she must be put on life support or she'll die.

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An Irish man walks into a bar, and then realizes that he's walked into the wrong establishment (He was looking for an upscale restaurant.)

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Johnny had 100 chocolate bars. He ate 95 and gave 3 to his friend. What does Johnny have now? Diabetes

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A man was complaining about not getting enough sleep. He was then raped.

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What is the difference between a brick and a ginger? The entirety of their chemical make up and physical appearance.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Dave. Dave, who? Dave, your neighbor, I ran out of eggs making a quiche, could I borrow a few?

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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