Why did the KFC worker dislike his job? He was paid lower than minumum wage due to the plummeting economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, Violets are blue, i know where you live now I'm coming for you

thumb_up thumb_down +14

a duck walks up to a lemonade stand, says to the man running the stand. quack, because he's a duck

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A car with four Mexicans drives off of a cliff. What's the bad news? They were my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What separates man from animal? Divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I FEEL LIKE I'M RIDING ON A CLOUD actually it's physically impossible to ride on clouds because they are sparsely situated ice particles.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A priest and a rabbi walk into a gay bar. They are closet homosexuals and are searching for partners to engage in consensual sexual intercourse with.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What has two legs and oinks? Half a pig.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red Violets are blue I haven't been able to deal Since the day that I lost you. Now these roses bleed red And these violets cry blue I think of you in memories Do you think of me too?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

how much kush does it take to get kushagra high

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you leave a jackass in suspense? I'll tell you later.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Tyrone is innocent! I can't wait until Kirsty gets hers!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A white man got injected by Heroin at a party and got instantly addicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops