Last christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you're body rejected the transplant and you died.

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Q: if it takes a week to walk a fortnight how many pounds of oranges can you fit in a grapegruit. A: None, because there is no bones in ice cream

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So a man walks into a bar... ouch

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Santa Claus is so hairy he need to shave more often.

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What is Godzilla's favorite sport? Nothing, Godzilla is a fictional character.

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What is holocaust victim's favorite food? Hamburgers.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Yes.

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What happens when a man runs naked into a bank? He doesn't get service because he isn't wearing shoes or a shirt

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Can midgets still have big dreams?

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Oh, right

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Why did the black man eat lucky charms? Because it was breakfast time and he was hungry.

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When lives gives you lemons you might just be dyslexic, because life cannot actually give you lemons

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Why was the man white? Because he wasn't black. All credit goes to Caravel.

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How do you starve a black man? You slowly emasculate him over 400 years through a system designed solely for the benefit of whites, and subsequently he is malnourished.

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why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

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What do you call a dolphin without a head? Dead.

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What's funnier than 1 anti- joke? Two anti- jokes.

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What's funny about anti-jokes? Nothing.

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what is the difference between a picture of brooklyn decker and my grandma....i jack off to the picture of my grandma

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When geese fly south, why is one side of the V usually longer than the other? There are more geese on that side.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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Relax, it simply would not be working out for you if your mother was nearby, you see, the subconcious is limited by the concious mind, so if your subconcious can detect your mother (or anyone but me nearby) your conscious mind goes "uh oh" and it stops. Oh, right, and considering you can still type, how about we increase the effect into... I dunno, six billion? Yeah six billion. Anyway, the next time you want to experience it, just poke your nose, and since we do not want you to poke your nose off, you only do it once and you can yourself decide when it ends, at this level you should not be able to type, but if you want to type you can of course turn it off.

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What is the difference between Madeleine McCan and a toaster? A toaster wasn't raped and murdered.

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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