Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? A several garbled and mostly inaudible comment that she could not understand.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? one was raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

-knock knock! -doors open

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Jesus walks into a church only to be touched inappropriately.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why did the chicken cross the road? because the 99p mcdonalds mayo chicken was popular in the coop.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

thumb_up thumb_down -28

1d

thumb_up thumb_down -28

You still alive? I used to be called proteus by the way, but then you disappeared and Neronism or watever its called now turned insane. I mean we killed you man! Out of mercy, you telling me a jacket changed you and everything? Where have you been? Six million followers? And all the shit that has made "moral man" the most lauded thing on Horsehead is you? Mind helping me make sense out of all of this?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the worst part about a plane with 500 people in it crashing? It might leave a dent in the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Roses are red, Your blood is too, Don't believe me? I WILL CUT YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what happens when u fall down the stairs? you break your arm.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I have alzheimer's Bacon

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What is black, white, and red all over? A zebra that was shot by poachers.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why couldn't the boy with no arms and no Legs swim? Because he was black.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Q. What is ginger and ginger? A. a ginger

thumb_up thumb_down -28

do yo know what's funnier than getting on a hidden camera show? Nope! it's just chuck testa

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cock in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why did billy fall on the sidewalk? he got stabbed

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A priest, a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three, laughs and says "Please leave now, God is dead"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's yellow and talks? A talking giraffe.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

…What did you put in the drink that made me fart, and kill my horse?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Ask me if I'm a rock. Are you a rock? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops