Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Four blonds are driving to Disney World when they come across a sign that says Disney World left, so they proceed to make a left at the next stop and have a wonderful time in what many people consider the most wonderful place in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

wow i bet grass is lucky on st patricks day. why? becuase its green all year. *smacks* ow. i kno. but hey im corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you keep a woman from driving your car? Shoot her.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Dislike if you are a prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's worse than the Holocaust? Someone born in the 1970s feeling self-righteous about defending the victims.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

25

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? alot of things, worms don't taste that bad.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How did the rock cross the road? It didn't cause it's a rock.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the clown fall off the unicycle? Because I shot him in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: "Where's my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do Vladimir Putin and a snake have in common? A central nervous system, to name but one of the many biological similarities.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A boy walked in on his mom and dad in their bedroom last night they were having a leisurely evening playing scrabble

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q:Whats the difference between Jews and Pizza? A: Jewish people are humans, and pizza is a food

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the bird say when he was riding the turtle? Weeee...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the Wife cheat on her Husband? Because she was a f***ing BITCH.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you do when your girlfriend is bleeding? She is probably on her period.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at its face.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

My dog barks when someones at the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops