Q: Billy has 47 pieces of cake, he eats 38. What does he have left? A: Diabetes

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So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

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How many black people did it take to change the light bulb? I couldn't tell, the lights were out.

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Yo mama is so fat she died

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Why didn't the lolipop taste like anything to the boy beacuse he was aborted

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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What did the Chicken say to the Interviewer Interviewer: how do you feel about your eggs chicken: the eggs are actually my periods. Interviewer: how do you feel about your periods ChicKen: you eat my periods everyday. people make cakes, omlettes and all these food out of my period. Imagine the world running on your period. Interviewer: what are your feelings on your periods Chicken: I have a mixture of feelings. i feel really scared because the farmers would kill me if i can have my periods. i feel glorified because the world runs on my eggs and i feel proud. I feel freaked out because the world actualy runs on my periods

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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How do you say a bad word in your language? Like this: "A bad word in your language"

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9 Cats on a boat. One Jumped off, how many left? 8.

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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What's 9 + 10 19 AB

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What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

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LOVING BIRD DIEING BIRD DO NOT FLY AWAY

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What did Steven Hawking get for christmas? A bike.

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So A guy named Larry walks into a bar and says, Where is your couch?

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What do you call a group of geese? A giggle

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why did it take the black man 1.5 hours to get out of a movie theater? he wanted to patiently wait for the movie to end.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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What is funnier than 24? If you think numbers are funny then you could have a mental illness and that isn't quite funny.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm sorry to say it but i hate you

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Why did Santa die? Because he got diabetes from so many cookies

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Why did the boy cry after baseball practice? He was molested by his coach.

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Man: I just bought this hearing aid Friend: How much did it cost Man: No it's 8 o'clock

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops