How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? She didn't, her father named the dog because he was aware of his daughters innability to speak.

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Roses are red Violets are blue What about pansies

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johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

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What you you call peanut butter on the top of a dog house Peanut butter

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A penguin walks into a bakery. The baker asks the penguin: "What kind of bread would you like? Brown or white?". Penguins answers: "Well, it doesn't really matter since I came here by car!".

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what is green and smells bad? an orange dolphin that poops out rainbows.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I shot your valentine Straight in the head

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How do you get a blonde's attention? Throw deodorant at her until she looks.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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Hi. P.S: You have aids. P.P.S: Purple penis pumpernickel pie puppets.

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Pickles are powerful

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have you seen stevie wonder's harmonica? neither has he.

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Q: What did the police officer tell the man without a shirt on? A: Put a shirt on.

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Why did the black man kill himself? Because he had a very serious case of depression brought on by his recent divorce

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? One. Unless she's particularly short, then she may need to get a friend, who may or may not be blonde, to help by holding the ladder.

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What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Isaac

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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Andy: Mom, I wish I was a dinosaur. Mom: Aw, that's cute! Why? Andy: Because dinosaurs do not suffer from terminal pancreatic cancer.

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A princess decided to kiss a frog in the hopes that it would turn into a handsome prince, as she found none of her suitors to her taste. The frog was incredibly poisonous and she died of total organ failure three days later.

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I obviusly meant: Have you ever seen a cow chasing boots? Because the one with the cowboy chasing boots doesn't make sense...

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When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops