A paralysed man falls over.

Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

What's long, hard, and black, and goes into wet things? A submarine.

How do you make a baby cry? You throw bricks at its face.

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

What's blue, red, and full of metal? Timmy in his favorite blue sweater, after he got hit by a truck.

What's black, white, black, white, black, white, and red? A horse with it's heard chopped off.

What does a person with Alzheimer's do? To get to the other side.

Why was the African American man afraid of dogs? He had a terrible childhood memory of being violently dry humped by a german shepherd.

Why did children rejoice when Michael Jackson died? Because they were at a birthday party, and only heard about his death afterward.

What's Michael J Fox's favorite toy? While, a magic 8-ball might first appear to be a good guess. Let's be honest, those things really lose their luster after the first couple times. More likely it's something like a sports car or big screen television.

A wife asks her husband to treat her like she's special. So he tells her, "Gooooooooooo... Maaaaaaaaaaaaake... Meeeeeeee.... Aaaaaa.... Saaaaaaaandwitch

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven hundred and eighty nine.

Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

What did the cow say to the other cow? "Baaa", he had an identity crisis.

Why did? Yes

What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

How many baby's does it to paint a wall red? It depends how many you throw.

roses are red violets are blue i have shit in my mouth so screw you

What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

So I'm balls deep in this 9 year old...

why does the pie have apples in it? it was apple pie.

a little kid goes as candle for halloween, 69 girls blew him teenage boy goes as candle for halloween, all he got was burned

How many babies does it take to paint a barn? It depends on how hard you throw them

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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