What happens when cole goes into a dark room? It's not possible his hair puts off too much light

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What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? DAM!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners unfamiliar with the Latin alphabet.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin who? Exactly.

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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Why did the black man fall off the building? The building was one of the twin towers and the event 9/11 was currently happening and he saw one of the planes coming at him so he decided to jump to his misery instead because he thought it will hurt less, also he thought that if he waited for the plane to hit him there is a possibility that one of the wings may hit him right on the neck and his head will get chopped off and he wanted to die with his body completely attached.

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Two muffins are in an oven. They procede to bake at 325 degrees for thirty minutes.

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You wanna know what's totally out of this world? The moon.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the seat next to you? A: Whatever his name happens to be.

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How do you stop your golf ball from hitting a goose? You dont.

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What did the robot say to the child? Nothing, he malfunctioned and strangled him. Despite the authorities best efforts to free the kid, he was still strangled because robots are really strong. After killing the boy, the robot self destructed and leveled 5 city blocks everyone within the vicinity was killed.

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A momma tomato and a baby tomato are walking down the street, and the baby tomato starts to fall behind. The mother turns to it and says "hurry up."

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A human walked into a bar, The bartender quacked, "quack quack quack" The human wondered why all the patrons and the bartender were ducks, so he left the bar, before his head spontaneously exploded.

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Why did the middle age man walk across the street? There were no vehicles currently driving on that particular road

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Why do turtles walk slow? They are physically incapable of walking fast.

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Q:Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? A: Neither did she

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What's worse than seeing Charlie sheen in a Turkish bath house? Watching the direct tv commercial for the 100th time today

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Whats the difference between harry potter and the Jews? Harry potter could escape the chambers.

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It's good to be a scientist and great to be a biologist. However, it is never okay to be a scientologist.

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How do you make an idiot in suspense?

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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What's 1 + 1? Fish. What's 2+2? Window. pie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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