What do you call double A's? Batteries

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Why would Maria not have sex with Liam? Because she is Danish and doesn't shave and therefore is self-conscious

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Q: What do you call a blonde that just bought a new car? A: Carol

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Why are black people so tall? Jesus was also black and therefore gives black people some favorable traits.

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What colour is chocolate? Brown.

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Your mother is so fat, she is dying due to obesity and it would be utterly disgusting to make fun of anyone in that situation.

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A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

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What's the difference between Wayne Gretzky and Courtney Love? They have different proffesions

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Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet? The people who were in charge of that decision.

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A blonde, a brunette and a red-head find a mirror with a message on it that says "Stand in front of the mirror and say something you think is true. If it is true, I'll grant you a wish. If it is wrong, you'll be sucked inside the mirror and be trapped there forever." The blonde, who is standing in front of the mirror, says "I think this is a stupid joke." and nothing happened.

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What's worse than an hours detention? Gettind raped by a horse anally.

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Q: Human being? A: False. Jew.

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What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

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Why couldn't Jimmy go bowling with the rest of his friends? His parents shot him.

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MATH: if for every 1 minute for billy is 5 minutes and every 5 minutes is an hour than billy is on acid and needs to come down.

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whats black and doesnt work? a broken black toaster

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How do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The refrigerator is lying on its side and the door is ripped off. The food is all over the place and the shelves are scattered around the floor. Your house will have suffered severe structural damage that insurance plan might not cover. Also there is a mortified elephant in you kitchen.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. But if you answered poop you aren't wrong.

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What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug

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How are friends and trees alike? They fall down when you hit them with an ax.

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Guess what? Bananas

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Johnny Manziel is the best quarter ever (this isn't a joke just a true statement)

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs, lying outside of your house? An ambulance, he's clearly in trouble.

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What happens when you stick your hand down the jelly bean jar? The black one steals your watch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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