Peter was sitting on a bench. He had a bag of 10 sweets and was eating them slowly. John and Anthony both wanted some, but Peter wanted to still have sweets left over. How many did he give them both? None. He's that selfish.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What has four legs, but cannot walk? A giraffe with polio.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Up High. *high fives* In The Middle *high fives* Down Low *high fives* In the Grass *high fives* You've been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. I just bought a new xbox.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the midget fall from a tall building? Because somebody pushed him.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Far from, yet all organizations are money based and put capitalism in front of all, so if lets say, one organization, needs help from another, a money transaction is made, I play a role there, as a well... Diplomat, its not my title, but my title is something I cannot reveal to anyone, not even my wife, id be putting myself and people in danger, but since I master things such as hypnosis, I can well, influence people, this is how I can pull of favors myself. Not favors such as "kill that guy for me", but more like... In your case. "If you are going to kill the wizard, please let the rest be, I know they are good people"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's the difference between a mexican and a park bench? One is a minority whose ancestors originally lived in the central american country of Mexico, the other is a useful convenience that provides a place to rest one's legs in a public place.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: What did the serail rapist say to his best friend? A: You're a good friend

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's do you call two bulls, a goat, and a horse? Farm A nimals

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why does the same anti-jokes pop up over and over again? Because people have no creativity.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock knock Who's there Orange Orange who Orange

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did they save the man in a burning building? To arrest him for arson.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did Ed Gein get at McDonalds? The corpse of a worker he killed by the dumpster and hauled back to his shack to hang up and gut like a deer.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chair fall off the cliff? Well it is an inamitate object so it did not move itself, someone must have threw it

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why does the Pentagon have twice as many toilets built as is legally obliged? Racial segregation

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I went to work Got paid, Then came home.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why couldn't the 10 year old see the Pirate Movie? Because his weekend was busy!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

knock,knock you suck

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I told a priest that I would never believe in anything greater than myself. He said I had the God complex, that I was grandios. I stared him in the eye and asked, "how highly do you think of me? Thank you" and left.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey I just met you and this is crazy this song doesn't rhyme penis

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Wanna know my life in a nutshell? Well you can't. Life is an inanimate object an will therefore not fit inside anything, let alone a nutshell.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A man walked into a doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops