what did the schizophrenic get for his birthday? new friends

thumb_up thumb_down +67

A guy with no legs walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Why did the man push open the door? The sign said PUSH.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

What is bright yellow and tastes like Gatorade? Antifreeze

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Q: What's the Difference between Judaism and Catholicism? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "I'm worried about your book choice, maybe you should consult a theropast".

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Two cannibals are eating around a fire in the jungle, and one turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" Oh yeah, and they're eating a clown.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The single celled amoeba. As billions of years passed, the simple amoeba began to form limbs which it utilized to crawl its way out of the ocean onto dry land. Millions of years would pass before the simplified organism began to develop into a fully functional chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How did the kid drop his ice cream cone? Ans. He got hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Who would win in a fight, Godzilla or a Tyrannosaurus Rex? It doesn't matter because Godzilla is fictional and a T-Rex is extinct.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why doesnt cornelia say anything? she didnt answer

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did Helen Keller say to her eye doctor? Nothing, she is incapable of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why is Kim Jong Un so fat? Because he takes all the food in the country and sends his own people to live in concentration camps!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Miami Heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the plane crash into the mountain? Because it was being piloted by a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

In Soviet Russia... People were burned alive for refusing communism.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats round, hard, and full of seaman? Well in the context I'm using it in, a submarine, but too the inappropriate mind when spoken out loud, could be registered as the homophone of seaman, semen, which would then lead you too think of male genitalia.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are read bacon is good poems are hard .........BACON

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's sadder than the Holocaust? Not a lot of things because it was probably one of the most depressing series of events that happened in the 20th Century.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why do black people like chicken? It's usually fried.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what is the biggest lie in the universe? -click to enter only if you are 18

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops