whats uglyand cry , and screams mommy ... you after i bitch slap you

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a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

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Have you seen Helen Keller's new car? Neither has Stevie Wonder.

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Q:Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A:Sea creatures seeking shelter and food

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Why do black people have white hands and feet? Regardless of race or ethnicity, the skin on the palms and soles of the feet is always less pigmented than elsewhere on the body. In darker skinned people this fact is readily observable, but in light skinned people this feature of human biology cannot normally be discerned by simple visual inspection.

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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Why did the man sit down? Because he was tired of standing up.

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What's black and white and red all over? A mime that got hit by a truck.

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a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? It doesn't really matter but I wouldn't actually call anything because they have very sensitive hearing and will probably panic and, being blind, might collide with a tree.

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Do you work at subway? Because I often enjoy eating there and i think the food is pretty good. I do not however eat there everyday because i might get overweight and get a eating disorder.

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian walk into a bar. The Muslim is dissatisfied with the choice of the meeting place since the Islam forbids drinking alcoholic beverages.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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An elderly man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Dad!" The old man replies, "Hi son. I'll have a Bud Light." The bartender serves his dad a Bud Light and says, "I'm thinking about going back to school to become a doctor." The old man says, "I'm an alcoholic." The bartender replies, "Great, another Bud Light coming up!"

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What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

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what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

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What's black and gets in trouble a lot? A dog with black fur that has not been well trained.

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How do the american stop getting fat ? They don't.

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Whats worse than passing out drunk and having your friends draw on your face? When you die of alcohol poisoning in the morning

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Why was the kid running around? He was on fire

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A black kid, a white kid, an Asian, and a Dane all take acid in a room. They have a profound experience and find a greater meaning in life.

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a horse walks into a bar, hours later it walks out on two legs and the man who saw it all happen couldn't believe his eyes. The man then turns to the bartender and says, "I theenk eye've had enuf, Cut me hoff!"

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I wife my butt after I poop. I poop out of my penis.

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Why are female badgers more attracted to the smell of cheese than male badgers? I don't know. Ask Bill Snodgrass

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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