A man is working at a bar. He feels a fly graze his left index finger, which has become a bit sweaty. The man rubs the finger for a moment, then continues to slice grapes for a customers synthetic japanese glue farm.

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How many skilled union workers does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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ARGH! LADY THAT SNAKE BIT MY PECKER! YOU HAVE TO SUCK THE POISON OUT NOW! OMG SURE, err...Meh, thats not a poisonous snake... Oh... dammit! I mean phew! Ouch ouch ouch!

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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A three-legged prostitute, a coal miner, and R. Kelly walk into an all-midget rendition of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. The miner has a heart attack and dies. The concubine and the vocalist do nothing to help.

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Birdie Birdie in the Sky, Left a message in my eye ... So I shot the little bitch

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Religionh

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How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

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why did suzy get hit by the bus because she got dumped into the road and she had no legs

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if my evil next door neighbor is building a rocket to steal the moon with the help of 3 little girls, a grumpy old man and about 5000 small yellow poeple; what do i do? get sued for coping a copyrighted movie plot

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Knock knock... Knock knock... Knock knock... Unfortunately, nobody was home to sign for Marks parcel.

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Two tomatoes where crossing the road, when one of them barely avoided being run over. The other said, come on tomato!

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Why did the jew go to the doctors? Because he had a severe headache.

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"So can we take the rest of the schoolday off?" the students asked. The teacher then asked: "Why?" The students explained: "Because some of us live far away and it's impossible to get through the masses of snow, especially if the snowfall continues like this." "Well, I can't give you time off, because the principal haven't said it has snowed enough just yet." he responded.

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Q. What's a pirate's favorite type of movie? A. It depends on the individual pirate, although most modern-day pirates are from third world countries like Somalia and so are too poor to be able to watch many movies. Classical pirates like those depicted in Treasure Island or Pirates of the Carribean are, of course, from a period of history before movies had been invented, so couldn't possibly have had a favorite.

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So there was a jewish guy, a black guy, and a white guy all sky diving. They all had an amazing time and they all went to a bar later to talk about what they just had experienced.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Q:Why did Hitler lose World War II? A:His "gas" bill.

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What's red and looks like blue paper? Red paper

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Women. One of the genders a human can be.

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9/11.

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? A: Shoveling them out with a pitchfork.

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What did Little Johny get for Christmas?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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