Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

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Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Look at my new shoes.

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Why can't women drive? Actually, they can as long as they legally acquire a driver's license and have no existing restrictions.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

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What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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A man goes to the doctor complaining of pain. Everywhere I touch it hurts, he tells the doctor. "The cancer has spread," the doctor says. "Go home and spend your last days with your loved ones."

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What did Darth Vader say to Luke? I am your father.

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Women are like puzzles. Because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't

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whats worse than getting beaten up by a bully? realizing your fly was down the whole time and getting beaten up by a bully

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A man walks into a bar and says: "ouch!"

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What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

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Whats green and tasty? Snot

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A man sees a hitchhiker on a road. The man crashes because he was not watching the road.

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A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

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I know a lady who is SOOO fat that when she steps into the ocean, she gets her toes wet!

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Why did the chicken walk into Mordor? It didn't. One does not simply walk into Mordor.

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what did the pregnant mexiCAN woMAN say while she was giving birth? A LOT of curse words

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What's the difference between a duck?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops