If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? Because that would be assault, and not only assault but aggravated assault, since you are using a weapon to do it. Plus, the lawyer would have an advantage over you in court during the trial, due to having a law degree.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to give him a bad reputation, but not enough to kill him

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Why can't you get a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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Me: f*** off Asshole: YOU'RE MOM! Me: -is dead.

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What do a plum and a small bunny have in common? There both purple except for the bunny.

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what do you call a man with no arms no legs cancer and down syndrome? you call him stephen because his name is stephen

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When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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whats not funny and has access to a computer and reasonable internet? Me

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don't just stand there

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Why did the horse go to the doctor? It had a heart disease.

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knock knock who's there the police you're under arrest for the kidnapping, and murder of 12 girls you have the right to remain silent anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law

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Q. What has two legs and is covered in red stuff? A. Half a dog

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what is the difference between Rick Perry and Lindsay Lohan? it only takes Lindsay 4 1/2 hours to finish a sentance.

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Q: How many nuns does it take to eat a dead racoon? A: 2

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A father had three children Rose Daisy and Cinderblock. Rose comes up to her father and asks"daddy why am i named Rose?' the father answered"well when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head"Rose Reply's "oh thats nice" and walk's away. the Daisy comes up and ask's "Daddy! why am i named Daisy!" the Dad answered "well. when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head" Daisy Replied" oh ok i guess" and walked away. Then Cinderblock came up and asked "duuuhhhd" and the father simply replied" Shut up Cinderblock".

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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Four guys are on an airplane. The plane lands safely and the four guys return to their families.

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how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

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I bit a horses leg. Why? Because I thought i was a vampire. I also bit my sisters glodfish in half.. Why? Cause I wanted revenge on my sister.

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What's better than eating an orange? Anal sex with Kim Kardashian.

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Looks like this is a *puts on sunglasses* Pair of sunglasses

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An ant walks into a bar. Nobody Notices...

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Why did the audience leave disappointed? Low budget and poor directing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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