What do you call a 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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FUS RO DAH!!!

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Legal Mexicans in Texas

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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Why did the Skyrim guard stop adventuring? He was killed in action and his family misses him terribly.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What do homeless people get at Christmas? Cold.

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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What did the homeless man get for christmas eve? Hypothermia. What did the children get for christmas day? A traumatic experience when they tripped over his snow-covered corpse.

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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What's sweet and tastes like candy? Candy, now get in the van.

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Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

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A man walks into the bar and orders a drink. This is what you do in a bar.

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HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

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what do you call a cat that looks like a lion 7

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Q. whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A. A jew is a human of the jewish religion, and a pizza is food.

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Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

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Why did the young Mexican apply for a job at McDonalds? The economy is down and his family could use the extra money.

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what is the only thing in the world that can pick up 1000 jews at once? A vacuum cleaner

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Hey, Batman Yeah? Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents!

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What did muscleman say to his dad? You know who else is my dad? MY MOM!

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What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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