- Anti Joke

Roses are red Violets are blue Daisies are yellow Trust me, I'm a florist.

A Dog walked into a bar and the bartenter said 'What can i get you' the dog dident say aneything cuz its a dog!!!!!

A Chinese man a Mexican and an American are all on a plane. They are all trying to get rid of stuff they have to much of in their country. The chinese man throws out a bowl of rice and says " we have to many of these in our country" the mexican throws out a taco and says " we have to many of these in our country" the American throws out the mexican and says "we have to many of these in our country"

Knock knock. Who's there? Screw! Screw who? Screw you.

what do mexicans and grass have in common You find them both in your front yard

Q: What has 2 eyes and 2 halves of pigs' snout? A: Two pigs peeking around a corner.

Q: GUESS WHAT IS REALLY BAD????? A: TITTY CANCER! :0

Two Pigs are in a bath. One pig says to the other "pass me the soap", to which the other pig replies "Do I look like a typewriter?"

What has four legs in the morning, three at noon, and two in the evening? A baby with leprosy.

In a stranded island, a plane crashes. Only one man survives. He asks himself "Where do I bury everybody else?" The others proceed to look at him strangely. He was the only surviving male.

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

-Have you ever seen an elephant hidden behind a thread? -No. -How come you're seeing it, he's hidden.

Hello, I'm Mark and I have multiple-personality disorder. Don't listen to him, no he doesn't.

once opon a time. never mind i'm just going to beat you kids.

What do you call people who play dance dance revolution? Dancers

Why could a fat man not do a barrel roll? He has already to many rolls.

Black people

What happened to the man who fell off a cliff? He fell

A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

dead dibbs

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Why couldn't the little kid get to sleep? His dog was on fire

Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

Who has two thumbs and gets to go home tomorrow? Well, not your son. He's in a persistent vegetative state and we had to amputate both of his arms.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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