Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

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A guy walks into a bar. He then comes home at 4 a.m. to beat his wife.

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Why did the girl say 'baa'? Because she was a lamb.

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Why did the deaf man go to the concert? He had recently acquired a brand new hearing aid which meant that he was able to hear much better and decided that he wanted to listen to some music.

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Q: What is hard and long on a man? A: His wife's funeral

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Did you hear about that show where two crazy guy got on stage and the show had to be canceled. I didnt either.

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer was arrested by the ASPCA and PETA for letting the chicken run free near a horribly busy road

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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two muffins were in an oven. one muffin says, "gee, its hot in here." the other one says, "AH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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What a wonderfuuuul wooorld: Would this not be a wonderful world if we instead of killing innocent children, just gRaped them hard and painfully in every damn hole and let them go home? Ad: Consider the life of the poor children, Just 0rape them hard!... For love! Awww... Moral: What moral You see any moral here? XD No Not Nerometal, I am that "leader of the Neronist... whatever" Yes, that is who I am. Real moral: "Seriously who is gonna listen to some kid who is just (severely) butthurt anyway huh? Cut their tongues off! Just do not kill them... For a wonderful world..." <3 (Not a heart lol)

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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What's the worst part about male roller blading? AIDS.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead baby's and a Cadillac? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage...

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Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the slaughter house

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What do you call a fly with no wings? Joseph

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.

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a man walks into a bar he is an alcohol and it's ruining his family

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What did the Spanish immigrant say? Olah.

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2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because my first shot missed.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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One time, I ate 3 chipotle burritos....after a tennis match

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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