A blind man cant see this joke, so I probably shouldnt write it..

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Q: What do you get when you cross an alcoholic and a sex addict? A: A baby

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What is blue and feels like fluff? Blue fluff

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why was osama bin laden shot and killed? because he was a very violent man and deserved his punishment

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What do you call a shoe with no laces? Stilettos, sandals, flip flops, slippers, etc...

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darude- sandstorm

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Hey babe, are you a refrigerator? -No... Good--'cause I wanna f*ck you so hard. Best pickup line. Always works.

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How do you make a sandwich out of clay? Shape it like a sandwich

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Why was the Tyrannosaurus Rex such an aggressive animal? it had short arms so it could not masturbate.

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I forgot to tell you something I forgot wat it was

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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS ROAD?!!! cause he was silly

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Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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Why did the Chinese man fall down the stairs? He was shot in the face.

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I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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Q: Why didn't Jane cross the road? A: Because Jane is a figment of my imagination and therefore has neither the physical capability to cross this so called "road" nor the initiatory motivation to do so...

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

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Lets just say that we are beyond the stage where I am "just" trying, by the way, you might want to search that last comment for double negatives. Or you know NOT NOT. Do not take my word for it, but if I am not wrong, the bacteria (yogurt) leaves afterwards, so you are eating milk that has been eaten and then.. You know... A common "side effect" of hypnosis, is that when it is used, the one hypnotized (both in this case) end up feeling a "strange" case of closeness, stronger bonds, friendship etc, scientists wonder why... ITS LIKE DUH! WE BOTH REVEAL DEEP SECRETS TO EACH OTHER! THINGS WE DO NOT EVEN USUALLY TELL OURSELVES! Its a literal no brainer, scientits can go fuck themselves, because as far as I know, thats the only fuck they ever get.

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What do you call a blonde surgeon? Not stereotypical

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What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

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How do you get a tower to move? Hit it with a plane.

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hey fat ass u want some butter with them rolls?

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What do you call a black guy that has a big white coat, an assortment of knives and a couple of women working for him? A doctor

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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