What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do an owl and a squirrel have in common? They can both fly! Except for the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the woman blind? Because she couldn't see

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the African say to the Mexican? "Hola, Como estas?" and the Mexican did not respond because he didn't speak Spanish.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did the chicken cross the road it didnt

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips? A chocolate chip muffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Me: Hey frank, wanna die? Frank: No, why? Me: (Kills Frank) Frank: Dude why did you kill Frank?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do humans and trees have in common? -If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they fal down

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If you give a mouse a cookie... ...youre ruining its natural diet. it might die.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar. Another man becomes the Limbo State Champion.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the wife disappointed in her husband? He hasn't been very talkative since the suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

haha

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'd would like to make a wager. The bartender replies, "no."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the drug dealer get arrested? Cause he was black.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

haha your power hose was robbed and the shitty bike

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I got into an argument with my friend the other day. He contested that the onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I beat his wife to death with a coconut,

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a black woman working at a bar? A Bartender. What do you call an asian woman working at a bar? A Bartender.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Where was Sally when the bomb went off? Everywhere...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit a talking Muffin."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did I say to my mum this morning? Good morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did the chinese man die because someone shot him

thumb_up thumb_down +12

My friends new nickname is hawk-eye! He is a jackass...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops