- Anti Joke

Wanna hear another joke? Wes Trillows penis!!!

Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

andrew wagner

What did the man do after his wife died? He farted.

What do you call a red light A:soon to be green

Q: What happened when Sophie broke her leg? A: She was taken to hospital where she was given a cast, and made a full recovery just in time for the Summer.

Limerick There once was a man from mass whos balls were made out of brass he clank them together to make stormy weather and lightning came out of his ass

yo momma so fat that she needs to lose weight

Hum... I am actually a redhead... Which is so strange saying to anyone including myself, I dye it like constantly.

your mom is so fat, she stepped on the scale and said, "I really need to eat better and I'm thinking about getting a gym membership." She did so, and she lost so much weight that all her friends congratulated her everywhere she went, and some didn't even recognize her.

What did the badger say to the mushroom? BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER MUSHROOM MUSHROOM! BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER ARGH SNAKE! IT'S A SNAKE...

Rose are red, Violets are blue Your cat is dead Turkey

:) Hey AMBY VALENT! Want to join our horsehead show below?? Laughing track with that fat loud bitch that wont stop laughing making the actors stare at each other like douches :/ Muuh, I dont really care im just some meh character anyway so yuh...' Laughing track ? ???? ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA! :( Hey get outta our show here you China man! OOOH! Track plays with some faott whistling* ? ???? | Baka! leaves Awww track plays Laughing track

Whats red, black and brown? My anus after a Friday night

Q: What do you call a dog with metal balls and two-inch legs? A: Animatronic

What did the mime say to the girl? .......

Knock, knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who? It's Doctor Green. I've got some bad news about your test results. Can I come in?

Why couldn't the black man swim? Both of his legs were just eaten by a shark.

Q: Whats the difference between porno and your mom? A: I can masturbate to porno

Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not sure, but the farmer must be very upset about the loss of one of his chickens.

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who was left? Nobody because Repeat is a good friend and he went in after Pete.

What is worse than writing a really terrible joke on anti-joke.com? Death.

how many birds did chuck norris kill with one stone? one.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops