Tim: You wanna hear an anti-joke? Billy: Yes! Tim: Okay, I've got one for you Billy: Let's hear it! Tim: 1

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She had no arms. *knock knock* -Who's there? -Not Suzy.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

-On a scale of one to ten, what's your favourite colour of the alphabet? -The answer is yes, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why don't you see elephants find in trees? Because most trees can't hold an elephants weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When one person has an imaginary friend, you call it being crazy. But when more than one person has the same imaginary friend, you call it religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why is 6 afraid of 7 7 is a registered sex offender

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: How many jews can you fit in a car A: 2 in the front. 3 in the back and as many as you want in the ash tray.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What kind of shots does John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If at first you don’t succeed, you clearly weren’t the right person for the job. We’re sorry, but we’re going to have to let you go; please collect your belongings and vacate the premises immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call someone who's father is black (born in Kenya), mother is white (born in Canada), and was himself born in Australia? Someone with tri-citizenship

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A African americia and a Hispanic are in a car, who's driving? The police man

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the wife say to her husband when he arrived home from work? Nothing. She cried over his coffin. Her husband was a marine who died in a car bombing in Iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because having been born Chick L. Sanders only three years before, his dream (as advertised by his dear old mother, Mrs Sanders (who was suffering from a poor but luckily passing bout of measles)) was to make it in showbiz. He was a poor chick, Chick, growing up in Indianapolis (the chick kicking capital of the world) but he learned how to cope and how to toughen up -- this chick, Chick, kicked when ticked off. After reaching the dear young age of three, this chick (still Chick) headed west to make it to Los Angeles. He arrived in Iowa a couple of years later, having grown stubble and achieved chick puberty. In search of pressing and more immediate desires, he raped a duckling. Although he knew such a deed was morally polarizing, he kept it out of his mind until he received a telegram detailing that his mother (Mrs Sanders) had been killed by another bout of measles that did not pass and proved ultimately fatal. Overcome with grief and regret, he castrated himself and told himself to never again seek pleasures of the flesh. Because of this action, he became forever known as Chick the Dickless. He worked in Des Moines for a time, but knew he had to continue on his journey to achieve his dreams. Crossing the Missouri, he found himself embarrassingly in Kansas, a place he did not want to go and was famed for its stoning of anything castrated. He avoided Topeka and traveled through some hills before getting hit by a twister. Chick the Dickless twisted until Chick clicked that a kick and a lick to the prick would hick him from such a predicament. He eventually landed in New Mexico, on the border of the Rio Grande because he forgot chickens could fly if they were castrated. Chick the Dickless flicked through a prickly dictionary and found he was not in Kansas anymore. He continued his journey west, eventually finding himself in the Copper Canyon. It was blisteringly hot and in the heat he forgot his own last name. He did, however, remember his nickname; Dickless. So he created a new persona under that unforgiving sun, even if the name was nicked from his nickname; Chick Dickless. In the heat, he realized he had no use for his heavy feathers and so tore them off himself, making him look like a skinny prick. Name-nicked Chick Dickless skinny prick shortened the Dickless down to Dick, because syllables waste breath. Name-nicked Chick Dick skinny prick licked his heat-blasted limbs to recover energy, using the memory of his mother and sheer will power to get out of Arizona. He finally arrived in California, just mere miles from Los Angeles. But he eventually came to a road that split him from the City of Angels. Name-nicked Chick Dick (skinny prick, who-licked limbs, tornado hick) was sick of obstacles. But it was the last one... So why did the chicken cross the road? Ask Mr Sanders, you lucky bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the middle-aged black man lose his job? Because in this day in age, many businesses are being forced to lower their pay-roll, and he could no longer be afforded.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Let's get some comments on this one! Everyone add a comment with a quote from a movie! I'll thumbs-up the best comments!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q:Whats worse than stubbing your toe? A: Watching a terrorist saw your dads arm off.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at poems, nice tits.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you feed 1000 people? Cook 1000 meals .

thumb_up thumb_down +6

This is a haiku Haikus are not really jokes Congratulations!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

WE BE-ETH YON KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE

thumb_up thumb_down +6

a dyslexic made a dessert. it was a bit dry.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A black guy walked in to a gas station, walked up to the counter and payed for his items with his debit card.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How did the black man get a nice car? He spent 8 years of his life getting a doctorate so he could be hired at a job that will pay for his desired vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops