Q: Why did the irishman walk into the bar A: Because he wanted a drink

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How does a boy with no arms or legs cross the street? He doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red violets are blue I have altimers cheese on toast Srry bout the spelling. I couldn't REMEMBER!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Friends are like snowflakes When you pee on them they disappear

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many stripes are there on a policeman's socks? None, policemen must wear regulation plain black socks.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Nickelback.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

knock knock who's there? a dog ......dogs cant talk ..................

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A couple is playing chess. The man then chokes his wife to death, throws her body in a woodchopper, and eats her like cereal- Frost

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock knock. *Silence Knock knock *silence Knock knock *Silence KNOCK KNOCK. *Silence (Busts open door) Oh right I murdered Billy a week ago

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What's worse than spilling milk all over the floor? A: Cleaning up the milk you spilled all over the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Your family have been involved in a fatal accident and we need you to come and identify the bodies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Where did Sarah go when the bomb exploded? A: Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's green and invisible? Nothing; green and all other colours of the rainbow have wavelengths that occur specifically in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Therefore any invisible object cannot be green.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the cow say to the horse? Mooo

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock Who's there? Rapist :(

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red, Potatoes are yellow, ERMAHHHGERDDD PERRDERRRDERRR

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the black man run from the officer? The officer was trying to perform non-voluntary sexual acts against him.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No Oh... well he hasn't either

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was Edgar sad at the swimming pool? Edgar had been taking swimming lessons for a few weeks, on a tuesday-thursday basis, and was not learning how to swim as well as he would have liked. His instructer, Ms. Herpina was also very rude and generally disrespectful to Edgar. As a result of him seeing the lack of progress, and his dislike of his teacher, one day he quit going to his lessons and went to the local Dairy Queen instead with his girlfriend, Susie. Little did he know, his mother had also gone out to buy him DairyQueen, as a celebration to him becoming better at swimming. When she saw him at Dairy Queen, she was very angry at her son, who had lied to her about going to that days' lesson, and had also lied to her about not having a girlfriend. After his mom told his girlfriend that they couldn't date, she took a distraught Edgar to their small apartment. Edgar had always hated this apartment, ever since the first day they moved in as a result from the lack of money to afford a nicer area. After his older brother David stole all that money from his mother to buy drugs a few years back, his life hasn't been the same. His mother was forced to move into an apartment with few luxories, and Edgar was constantly jealous of his friends at school, especially Jason, the dark haired boy who always bragged about how good he was at his PSP games. Edgar only wanted happiness for at least a little while, but was quickly forced back to the pool. He was embarassed at the fact that he couldn't swim, and all the popular girls at the pool were making fun of him. It had been a rough life for Edgar, and he was still only seven years of age. This, my child, is why Edgar was sad at the swimming pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you kill a dead baby? You can't, it's already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road To get to the gay guys house Knock knock Who is there The chicken!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops