Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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Why doesn't Stephen Hawking play football? Because he's a nerd.

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The man decides to jump off the bridge and decides to make one last phone call. "Hello, Jane, this is Doug. I just wanted to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, that I love you." Person on the phone says "This is not Jane, this is Joe." "Oh, hi, Joe. Could you just tell your wife what I said. Bye." The man continues to jump down the bridge and swims with his beautiful girlfriend. They all had a great day.

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why do fat people eat so much? who cares

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Why was the man scared? Because he was being attacked by a giant tiger.

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Q: Whats worse than 5,000,000 African Americans being killed? A: 1 White person being killed

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a guy walks into a bar. he suffered a severe concussion. BECAUSE THE BAR A POLE

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A: Knock Knock! B: RING THE DOORBELL YA DUMMY

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A.act like u see a banner and say hey do you see that banner over there? B.no what are u talking about A.oh well there's a banner over there

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What does a homeless man get for his birthday? 25 cents

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You can lead a horse to water, and you can pick your friends, but you can't sneeze with your eyes open.

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A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe. The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him. A horse walks into a bar Barman says "Why the long face?" The horse replies "My mum died this morning".

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Yo' mama's so fat she has type 2 diabetes.

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Why did Jenny fail her photography class? Because Jenny has epilepsy and she had a coma while taking the final exam. To this day Jenny is drain dead in the hospital.

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What did the mentally disabled child say to the snowman? Mnnghhhmuhmuhhu ooh ooh ooh!

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What is the best thing in the world? The opposite of the worst thing in the world.

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Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made the man who said shut up mad so he told the man to shut up.

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A blind guy and a priest walk into a bar

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven raped six's mom.

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Why did the tight shirted Asian man spend all his time on his knees? Because when he was 12 he was forced to work in a textile factory where he lost his lower legs.

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

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What do you call a black stormtrooper. What ever his name happens to be.

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What is red and can fly? An elephant. I lied about being red. And I also lied about the flying part.

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whats long, hard and full of seamen submarine

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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