There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Ham and Cheese!

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what's funnier than 1 Mecican? 2 Mexicans

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Why did the aeroplane engine fallon the house? Because of Donnie Darko

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What are corpses favorite form of entertainment? nothing, there dead.

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Q: How did that man get two black eyes? A: He was born!

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Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Oh, um, sorry i forgot the rest...

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What's 6 inches long, held in your hand, and has a round tip? A pencil you pervert.

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Why did the Calculus teacher give an Asian student an F on a test? Because he got less than 60% of the answers correct.

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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lebron

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What do you call an animal who is purple and feeds on grass? Well his name is Timmy, he is a 6 year old boy and has been diagnosed with a rare deadly disease that turns his skin purple and has removed him so far from reality that he has begin to feed on his front lawn.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What's more stinky than a fart? More farts.

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roses are red violets are blue the stems are green they smell good

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottishman walk into a gay bar. And why shoudn't they.

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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Why did the boy go swimming in the ocean? He didn't. the current pulled him in and he drowned.

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What did the muffin say to the other muffin? "Hello, nice to meet you."

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Why can't Jay cut his hair? Because he has AIDS

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What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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if you have hair on the palm of your hand you might want to get that checked out

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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