How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? I lost my tractor!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: What did the newborn dumpster baby say to the raccoon? A: Nothing. Newborn babies cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How did the woman get pregnant? She was thrown into a pool filled with semen.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because aspirin is a man-made drug derived from salicylic acid, and it it is this that is extracted from willow bark, which used to be used by Cherokee Americans as a fever-reducer and pain-reliever.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Once there was Girl whose Teeth were Crooked. She got Braces.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the framer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What the difference between an apple and a pear One of them is red

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Knock Knock Dude there is no door

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you make a baby stop crying? You throw it out the window.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why was osama bin laden shot and killed? because he was a very violent man and deserved his punishment

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the boy considered a bitch? His name was Jason Jubin

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didnt, he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

squash squash who squash my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whats the difference between garlic bread and a Jewish person? Garlic bread doesn't scream in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What gets you a succesful life and career? Swag

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A black man is sitting in front of the bus Then he respectfully gives up his seat to an elder woman

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the mother give her family on christmas? Some gelt, dreidels, and Challah because it also happened to be Chanukah on Christmas that year

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the alien say to the parachute? We're connected

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a Black guy who flies planes? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what do you call the head-less man sitting on your porch? By what ever his name is!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo mama so fat she has more chins than the Chinese phone book. A.V.T was here Fred.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: What do Ethiopians eat at night? A: Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops