Knock knock Who's there? Hi would you be interested in learning about Scientology? No

thumb_up thumb_down -17

why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

thumb_up thumb_down -17

ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't he got ran over half way.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Two black males walk into the bar due to circumstances they had to go home early one of them has to leave early to tend to his ill wife, and the other enjoys his night drinking and making small talk with new friends

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's beneath Chuck Norris's beard? A chin I presume, as that is what most humans have under their beards. Chuck Norris is a human and therefore is likely to have a chin. This is all based on the assumption that he is a human, because of the many characteristics he has shown that are humanlike.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Want to hear a joke? Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I hated the Reading festival, i'm dyslexic. I hated it because my family died in a housefire while I was there.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the little kid fall down? He was pushed

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: how many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: two, one to hold the ladder securely and the other to screw in the lightbulb.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you call a hispanic man crossing the border? First you must find out his phone number, then using a different phone make a phone call to him.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the blonde walk into the men's restroom? Because the blonde was a man who needed to expel his feculent waste.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what is brown and sticky? a stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Do you need a life...? You can borrow mine! lol JUBIE! :()

thumb_up thumb_down -19

knock knock whose there? banana banana who? knock knock? whose there? banana knock knock? whose there? banana

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what duz 69 mean? its a number duhhhhhhh

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the little kid say to the stranger? Nothing. He was taught not to talk to strangers.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I bought a pound of gold for my new gold ring, later that day I lost it

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red Zombies are hungry and blue My brain is half-eaten And what about you?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops