guy 1... "do you no any funny jokes?" guy2 ..."no" guy1 ..."same"

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -82

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What happened when a boy threw a ball at the wall? It hit him in the face

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q: What did my uncle Tom say when he first encountered my friend Richard Jefferson? A: Hello

thumb_up thumb_down +19

"Welcome to Mcdonalds, Would you like to try our new Chicken BigMac today?" "No"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

how do you get expelled? Rape a special ed kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume? philanthropy

thumb_up thumb_down +3

2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats worse than falling down the stairs? Falling UP the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's funnier than House? Family Guy.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What can be any colour and is made of leather? Cars. I lied about the leather part.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Q: What do you call a bathtub? A: A bathtub

thumb_up thumb_down -37

The big problem with politicians is they're always lying but fortunately there's always a moment when it's not a problem anymore. When they do it down in their tombs.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

what smells like red paint but is blue paint?

thumb_up thumb_down -59

What did the phone say to the telephone? I can't connect with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -151

What's the difference between a prostitute and a cherry red Ferrari? A cherry red Ferrari isn't in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What did the school bully get for his birthday? Beaten by his alcoholic father. Children are a product of their environment and his father's abusive nature towards his son forced the young boy to act out in class giving him the reputation of a bully.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops