i love u. so rate me good or i will talk to my lawyer. nothing personal, i just have no arms, legs, or nose and got broken up with by a girlfriend yesterday (and no, she was not fake) Her name was maria. On the bright side, my grandma woke up this morning!

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Women's Rights

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Two people on a boat, Pete and Repete. Pete fell off and Repete radioed the Coast Guard, who sadly got there just in time to watch him drown to his death.

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Q:How many doorknobs should you throw at a police man? A:None you should have upmost respect for the law.

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What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

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What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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Q: What did my uncle Tom say when he first encountered my friend Richard Jefferson? A: Hello

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What's more stinky than a fart? More farts.

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what did micheal jackson give to a young boy? -nothing micheal jackson is dead

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Knock knock. Who's there? I just ding dong ditched you.

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What's red and green and goes 100 mph? A car that is driving recklessly and happens to have a Christmas paint scheme.

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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There was a Mexican in a bomb shop ?

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Q: why are kittens so cute? A: because god created them that way. go fourth and enjoy kittens.

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When you are swimming across the ocean, and you lose your wheels, what's the difference between a duck? ... Because bananas have no bones.

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

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a man cries out to god.... and god does't reply.

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Why didn't the dog like baseball? Being a dog, it had no idea or interest in what baseball is.

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Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

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What is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The part where she doesn't have a penis. I know, I know, the no-penis thing looks weird and strange, but hear me out. I think it's kind of cute and quirky. Like, oops, there's something that's supposed to be there, but isn't.

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What's the biggest difference between the East and West Coast? About 3,000 miles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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