*see an orphan* Knock knock Whos there Not you parents ...

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Your mum is so fat, she is likely to do die before my mum.

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Evidently, in order to get any person of an object (most notably a swing) you must hit them with some form of large and/or sharp object.

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How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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what did one sandwich say to another sandwich? nothing, sandwiches cant talk

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What do you call an African American who flies a plane? A Pilot

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What did the alcoholic say to the blind man? Nothing. But he beat his wife and kids savagely.

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What do you call a woman who can't walk? A paraplegic.

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A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" The man replies "Surprise me." The bartender proceeds to mix cyanide with the mans drink and loses his bartending license and goes to prison for murdering a customer.

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A Jew walks on his way to work. He does not notice the quarter lying on the sidewalk and did not care for the dollar lying on the other side of the road.

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Today, my friend threw a lemon at me very hard and hit me in the testicles. FML

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Why didn't Suzie go to the park? She commited suicide 2 years ago.

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Why did greg come to America? Because he wanted visit the states

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My wife told me that I should see things from a woman's point of view. So I looked out the kitchen window.

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HALF LIFE 4 COMING OUT SOON!

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Why was the boy late for class? He was late because he got stabbed and left in the bathroom.

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What's the difference between a duck and male black prostitute? The duck is says quack

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A Serbian Film

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Adeeeellllleeeee where are my shorts

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why did benny go to the 4th grade school nurse? he had a massive erection.

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How are a dead chicken and a woman alike? They both belong in the kitchen

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What is purple and rhymes with apple? Nothing

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whats a porn stars favorite number? 69...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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